The season of Lent is nearly upon us. In case you didn’t know, Lent is the 40 day period between Ash Wednesday and Easter. The season is meant to represent the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert, enduring the temptation of Satan. It is a time for us Catholics to feel the presence of the Divine in a heightened way – through prayer, penitence, and self-denial.

I’ve been considering how I will personally be observing Lent this year. What sacrifices will I make? It may seem odd, but the idea of purposeful self-sacrifice elates me. I hope to find a new sort of freedom, through restraint. Maybe I can escape that asphyxiating air of hollow materialism and excess, and breathe a deeper, cooler breath of real life. Where’s the meaning, under the mind numbing distraction? Can I think beyond my own petty wants, and connect with the living, infinite universe? Can I realize my own insignificance?

So what will I give up? Well, my diet came to thought immediately – I’ll give up candy and baked sweets, I thought! And so I will, but it didn’t take long for me to feel guilty for that consideration. I mean, it seems so self-serving – always considering, what’s in it for me? (weight loss). If there is one thing that will ultimately sabotage my diet, it’s candy and baked sweets. So then I thought, well, I’ll give up buying things! I won’t buy anything that isn’t a necessity during Lent (exception: new clothes for the Easter Vigil). Then I saw the self-serving side in that as well – in terms of my bank account.

Cedric has suggested I should whip myself nightly (random note: Simone de Beauvoir actually tried this with a necklace). Amusing images of fervent Catholics aside, I wonder if there isn’t truth in the idea. If I’m seeking enlightenment, maybe I need to be sleeping outside in the freezing wind, or something similarly torturous. The prophets went in the deserts and the mountains alone. Jesus said: Give up all you own.

Maybe I’m not ready for enlightenment.

I struggle with this conundrum fairly often, to tell the truth. I’m forever questioning my motivations for this conversion – wondering, is religion the ultimate self-serving act for me? Am I on, like, a giant ego trip? For sure, I’m getting a lot out of it. Every little bit I give, I get even more back. Shouldn’t sacrifice be hard? Or maybe that’s the thing, once you truly embrace giving and self-denial, you find the ultimate contentment. But a sacrifice that leaves you fulfilled? Seems paradoxical.

In any case, I shall try the small sacrifices I’ve listed here: sweets and buying things. I don’t have any better ideas. More likely, I’m just not brave enough to try anything else.

In dieting news: 120.5 pounds. I think I may have found my groove.

One sacrifice you might try is homeschooling...englightenment through insanity induced psychosis?