What compels me to write tonight is the startling realization that my son is growing up. Sometimes it hits me, just like that. Growing up, and soon he'll speak in full sentences, and dress himself, and use the bathroom alone. All the trials and triumphs of our present will disappear like vapor, and we'll be left wondering if he ever really was so small. We'll forget how he was - the size of his hands, the curls in his hair, the childish expressions. So here I am, compelled to record something, to clutch at the straws, to capture the vapor of the moment.

Yesterday, he helped me wash the car. Oh he was excited - he worships the new car. He washed it all over, everywhere he could reach with the sponge, and then conceded to let me have a go at it. And then, unable to restrain his joy, he determined he didn't need a sponge to wash the car. A rock would suffice, in a pinch. He made some nice scratches on one of the rear doors with his washing rock. I flipped, and told him "No, NO, NEVER!" His face fell, the bottom lip puckered, and the weeping followed. The sort of wailing that tells me I have abused my authority. Now, I feel terrible. He was so proud to help, to wash his car. We aren't born knowing that rocks scratch paint, after all. Why didn't I handle it differently? I scolded him when he was trying to help, a moment when we are always vulnerable. I fail him in many ways.

So tonight, he came rolling into the house with a Tonka truck full of dead leaves. Then he started scattering the leaves all over the living room floor. Cedric began "leaves are not for inside.." but before he could get the words out, Lou reached for a miniature pumpkin, and plunked it in the middle of the pile. Clearly he was going somewhere with this. He was trying to set up some sort of autumn still life. I have no explanation for the path his logic took in this creation. I had no idea he really got the concept of artistic placement. But he did have a plan. I'm glad we let him do it, and feel useful and proud. After he went to bed, I swept up the leaves. It wasn't a huge inconvenience.

I can cover the scratches on the car with wax. No big deal, after all. No reason to be upset, because in a flash, everything changes. It's hard to embrace the trying moments that seem to create more work and frustration. I know, though, that I will one day look back on them with fondness and longing. I will regret I didn't appreciate what I had. So I endeavor to do more of that, and to record the highlights, for memory's sake.

For my birthday, Cedric set up a Flikr account for me. Such a good idea. I invite you to visit. Please be patient as I try to organize and categorize our memories. Cedric noted "If something happens to the laptop, so much will be lost." So very true - this is important.

Happy Belated Birthday Jessica !
Thanks for the pictures, do you have pictures of you when you were a child too ??
Bisous !