Every time I sit down to write a post these days, I end up with something intense, or brooding, or even morbid. All three characteristics together are not uncommon in my writing. That is why I don't publish much of it - because I doubt anyone wants to read it. I imagine it makes people I am close to uncomfortable. And it gives an impression that I am depressed, which is quite far from the truth. I've tried to understand why my writing has gone this direction, when I used to be light, sentimental, and funny. It is surely the loss of my grandmother that has impacted me so deeply, and so profoundly changed the person I am. My thoughts are on a different plane. I don't have any jokes. It doesn't mean I am unhappy.

Last night, Cedric and I attended the Easter Vigil Mass. I am considering becoming a confirmed Catholic (is this where you stop reading, and write me off as a nut case? I fear it.). In fact, I have been drawn to Catholicism since I was eight, though my (few) closest religious influences were Protestant. I wanted to be a nun - I've always had a deep sense of spirituality. During my teen years, I attended mass every weekend, and was known as "the girl who sits by herself in church." Later, I could not reconcile myself with the teachings of the Church, and could not attend with a happy heart. Now, I come to realize that most of the Faithful have a rather fluid interpretation of religion. This is not true of extremists and fanatics, but I do believe it is true of the sane and vast majority. Morality can not be legislated by the Vatican or any other religious hierarchy - moral decisions are complex and case specific, with many individual factors coming into play. My standards are not the same as yours. What matters is the communion of the Faithful. Doctrine evolves slowly. The Vatican's position on contraception then, to me, is a moot point. It wasn't always so.

Cedric has changed too, as he will now willingly attend a mass with me. No, he won't be converting any day soon - but I was thankful to have him there. The mass was beautiful, meditative, and at times deeply moving. It should be shared. Easter Vigil is the one night of the year where adults are initiated into the church, and I was surprised to see someone I know being baptized. A woman, my age, who lost her premature twin daughters at the same time I was pregnant with my own son. I was so glad for her, so awed by her faith and resilience, and so touched as her infant son was baptized with her. It was a powerful moment. Equally powerful was the moment the congregation wished each other peace - I found the parishioners positively radiant and sincerely kind. The final blessing was given with obvious sincerity as well.

Je reste étrangère à cet étrange phénomène qu'est la foi, moi, athée convaincue, mais ça faisait longtemps que je voulais dire combien ça m'intéresse et me touche de te lire, et combien je suis heureuse que mon frère ait une femme si intelligente et si sensible.
Voilà, c'est dit !

That is a very kind thing to say. Thank you.

ALL THATS A NICE WORDERFUL THING TO SAY GOD BLESS YOU AND THE KIDS IF U NEED ANYTHING ILL HELP YOU U CAN EMAIL ME THANKYOU

Thank you for the compliment.