I had a good day, today, though it didn't begin as such. I woke up already irritable, probably due to a letter I received two days ago from Local University, announcing that my plans to work toward teacher certification over the next year and a half would be put on hold, at best. It seems the education department is restructuring, and the classes I would need will temporarily not be offered as the department seeks state approval of an MA program. Though I would love to do an MA, the dates for the program to begin, as well as the cost, are up in the air, and the situation leaves me with a lot of uncertainty. I had planned on beginning classes this fall. I don't know what I will do if I cannot - it is time for my own life to become a priority again.

To add to my uncertainty (read: anxiety), the preschool program I had planned on enrolling Lou in this fall, based on the recommendations of everyone and his brother, now seems uncertain as well. A phone call I had with the director left me wondering if this was indeed as good a place as everyone says. Again, I was counting on this program. Finally, none of our potential pet sitters for our planned two month stay in France this summer seems to be coming through, and I am beginning to worry about that as well. Worrying is a sort of rainy day hobby of mine. Today was certainly a gray, rainy day.

So, with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I rose from bed and came down stairs with my son. And he, perhaps feeling my internal stress, chose this very morning for a fit of "contrary" behavior. He screamed for juice, then refused the juice when I gave it to him, then screamed some more because I set the juice down and ignored him, and then, setting up for his coup de grace, began screaming as I picked the juice up to hand it to him. And that is where the calm exterior crumbled, and I thwacked the sippy cup on the table, a good deal of juice spouting from the opening, and grabbed my son by the arm, and in a gravelly, demonic voice, said "stooooooop iiiiiit!!!!!" I'm sure I will not forget that angry, unfortunate incident for a long time to come

And that is when I knew, without a doubt, that I would not make it through another weekend of Cedric working full time. I respect and admire my husband's dedication, but I believe he has not taken a day off work in two months. Fortunately, the Universe saw that Cedric came out of his cave this morning a bit early, giving us a chance to talk. Talking helped relieve my stress, and thus averted the impending Meltdown. And, understanding my anxiety, Cedric agreed to take the rest of the afternoon and evening off. And not only that - he suggested it would perhaps be wise to take one day a week off work. And maybe someday, said Cedric, we could have whole weekends, like normal people. But there I had to quiet him, lest he eventually become lazy.

And from there, things got better. We went out for lunch, spent time on the deck, went for ice cream, and then went for a walk. I calmed about the uncertainty I was feeling. I decided that if I can't start school in August, I'll write an award winning novel instead (I hear you snickering from here). What I really decided is that I have nothing to complain about. Right now, everything is exactly as I would have it. And usually, the future has a way of taking care of itself.

That's what I try to tell myself when I get stressed like that - that things always work out in the end, so just let go and try to enjoy the ride.

Isn't life fun. Yes, I do know that kind of meltdown. I am sure at one time or another you were probably a recipient of "Grandma's Love". You know adult sanity comes only after getting away from people under 3 foot tall occasionally. Anytime you two want to go to dinner, just call.